Morbid jokes
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
what do you call a retard smoking weed?
a baked potato.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
What do you call a dad in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.