Morbid jokes

A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?

A: He got shot.

Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?

Ashtraynauts.

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

My boss had the heart of a child.

In a jar. On his desk.

You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.