Morbid jokes
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf....ftysrrtfgbjysou34w45pjr578v
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?
A: He got shot.
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.