Morbid jokes
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them.
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering.
Why are Americans bad chess players? They lost two towers.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.