Morbid jokes

Abraham Lincoln was a good man, he jumped out the window with his dick in his hand and walked up to a group of ladies and said I'm doing my duty so why don't you give me some booty?

I like the iceberg... my favorite character was the iceberg!

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

Say, "Crack my fingers."

Now say that backwards...

Dfhbbfd.

When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.

Hola.

What's an old man's favorite food?

Wrinkled onions.

Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?

A s'more.

"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."

Tate

Monky.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Rabid cow.

Rabid cow who?

Hold on, I need to get my gun...

How do make an adult cry?

Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.

Fuck you, biiiiiitch!

Pinto?

So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."

Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?

Because he had a crush on her.

What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

What's the best way to get them out?

A blender.