Morbid jokes

I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.

What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.

Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"

Whoever invented school, I hope you burn in hell.

What does FNAF stand for? Five Nasty Ass Fools.

So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."

I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)

You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.

How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?

Turn on the gas chamber.

123 bipity bopity 321. Women are property.

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

What's funny about dead baby jokes? - They never get old.

All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.