Morbid jokes
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Where did my rabbit go?
*crunch*
Ok, I found this off of an internet meme, this isn't original:
*grabbing kid* Harambe: Ok kid, I don't have much time, but Obama's last name is- *gunshot*
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Roblox Talent Shows be like:
Host: Next Up is Bob!
Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-
*Buzzing Noises*
Judges: You suck!
Bob: I'm reporting!
*Bob get's kicked from the server*
Bob: Siri, call 666!
*dialing noises*
Bob: Hello?
Bob's dad: Hi!
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."