Morbid jokes
Jimmy: Your mom is gay.
Me: No, you.
Jimmy: I have no mom.
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
My dad died lol.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
Hippity hoppity, women are property!
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
Who do Chinese people name their kids?
Throw the forks and knives down the stairs.