Morbid jokes

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, he got nailed before he died!

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Depression medicine and therapy.

GO AWAY!

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Son: Why?

Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.

Jimmy: Your mom is gay.

Me: No, you.

Jimmy: I have no mom.

How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

My dad died lol.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.

Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

Steven Hawking said there is no God,

Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.

Hippity hoppity, women are property!