Morbid Jokes

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.

I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.

"Who am I?"

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?

Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

A new game the whole family can play...

Incest.

What's red and in a corner?

A baby with a razor blade.

What's green and in a corner?

The same baby three weeks later.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.

What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...

How do Chinese people name their children?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."

A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.