Morbid jokes

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.

At least now I can have his phone he left.

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

Come on guys, please let's play Roblox. My name is xX_robloxGamer420Po_Xx.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.

I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.

"Who am I?"

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?

Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

A new game the whole family can play...

Incest.

What's red and in a corner?

A baby with a razor blade.

What's green and in a corner?

The same baby three weeks later.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.

What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...