You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
Morbid Jokes
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
Religion... That is all.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
You are the joke.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
