Morbid jokes

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound.

Where is an elephant’s penis?

On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.

Mary had a little lamb.

Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!

What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?

Go look in the mirror.

What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?

Ashtraynauts.

A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.

What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?

Little boys' pants half off.

Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

How do you fit three flags on a bar stool?

Flip it over!

Don’t worry if you have a stroke.

You’ll be all right.

Babies can spread a nasty smell,

especially when you haven't fed them for a month.

You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.