What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
Morbid Jokes
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
Ur mom gei.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......
Human: :D
Sun: I want to BuRn you.........
Human: .......
Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....
Human: I should be going now.
Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!
Human: *Screams his last sound*
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
