Morbid jokes
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.
"Who am I?"
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"