Morbid Jokes

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound.

Where is an elephant’s penis?

On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.

Mary had a little lamb.

Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!

What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?

Go look in the mirror.

What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?

Ashtraynauts.

A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.

What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?

Little boys' pants half off.

Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."