Morbid jokes
Incest is wincest.
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."