Morbid jokes
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
Ur mom gay, ur dad lesbian.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
My chance of finding love.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
Why can't America play chess?
They're missing two towers.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!