Morbid jokes
Son: Hey, Dad, why is my name Dick?
Dad: Oh, because a dick fell on you when you were born.
Son: Ohhhhh, so that's why I'm gay.
Dfhbbfd.
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
What did Michael Jackson find on his bed?
Billie's Jeans.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
Yo mama so fat, Thanos had to snap twice.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
Hola.
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
Roses are red.
Roses are red.
Roses are red.
I smell burnt toast.
When a white person says the n word,
black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."