Morbid jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun...
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
What do you call a group of emos? Suicide Squad.
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.
I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
My life, get it, 'cause I don't got one.
In Mario, it is called a Zoomba, but if it was real, it would be a boomba.
Anal sex is for A**holes.
My friend told me an emo joke once, and I said, "Emo jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?
There are speedos in the microwave.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.