Mom's jokes
Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.
They burst into tears.
I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.
One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?
Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.