Mom's jokes

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

What joke could orphan's never understand?

Your Mom jokes.

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.