Mom's jokes

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!