Mom's jokes

The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.

When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"

Want to know what I do in my freetime?

Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?

You know what, I'm done. We are banning "your mom" jokes. They're old, weird, and have been done thousands of times. Just like your mom.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?

Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Mom: Excuse me?

Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

Big Mom is so fat, Trafalgar Law can’t make enough room for her!

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.