Mom jokes

Your mom uses the equator as a belt.

Your mom's so fat, she annexed Crimea!

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his mom said, "Ven bakac."

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

Orphanage kid: You’re ugly!

Kid with mother: Your mom!

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

Me: Where's your mom?

Kid: [cries]

Me: [leaving from the adoption center]

The thing my mom birthed.

In America, mom births you.

In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

I accidentally said, "Go cry to your mom," to an orphan. 😭

Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏