Mom jokes

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To slide into your mom's bed.

What do a banana and shampoo have in common?

Ur mom.

Why did your mom cross the road?

You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

My mom picked my major.

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

Your mom is so hairy that King Kong got jealous of her.

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.

Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!

If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.

If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?