Mom jokes
Connor: Hi Mom.
Mom:
Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!
Q: What do you call a tsunami?
A: Your mom's water breaking.
My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."
What did the mom say to the baby?
My mom
Your mom dot com.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
Why was your mom so into me?
'Cause she was the man.
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.
The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.
🤣🤣🤣
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
Guy on Fortnite: "Ima sleep with your mom lmao."
Orphan: Starts crying.
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.