Mom Jokes

Q: What do you call a tsunami.A: your moms water breaking.

my mom said hey come over here and I responded to late mom

My mom picked my major

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah.. you look fat in every dress

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey is dad late to pick you up again? Child: No mum. Dad is here but he is talking about me to the Mrs Lili the math teacher Mom: Can you here them? Child: I think... they are watching a good movie. Mom: Why do you think that? Child: Because I keep hearing this HOLDS ONTO PHONE AND clap, clap, clap

My Mother: Wanna hear the song Chloe your the one I want on pandora? Meh: No I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it. Mom: don't talk back to meh like that young lady. Me/ someone else? - -gets silent in da room- Brother: yea this song is very annoying but maybe better than the Chelsea song. Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

McNeill mom wrote a shopping list for supper ... cabbage _50 Carrots-50 Cooking fat -100 Onions_20 Tomato-20 salt-10 Total=250 she gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients. McNeill took long to return home from the shopping ... His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long . McNeill answered I have all the ingredients but I'm looking for total

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day, when suddenly Johnny said,"Mom I think I'm gonna throw up" Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there". Johnny comes back a minute later and his mom asks,"Did you make it?", then Johnny said,"No, but there was a box by the door that SAID For The Sick"

Son:Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!

Mom:YOU HAVE CANCER?!

Son:Mom, as my zodiac symbol...

Mom:....

Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet, the fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster partys but anyway I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will finds it and overreacts to it, Will she did not overreact she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1st she screamed and then she looked and it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr thats the prankster!

one night a father heard his daugter saying good night good night mom god night dad good night mamah good by papa the next day her papa died he heard her saying them a month later good night mom god night dad good by mamah the next day her mamah died well her dad was scared for his life he knew he was next well his daugter said them again good night mom good by dad the next day the mail man droped dead on their porch.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

there is this little boy and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?" She replies with, "These are my headlights." He looks down and says mommy what's that? she says that my garage. so he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says what is that? the dad says this is my snake. later that night he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams mommy, mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage, Daddy's snake is trying to get in!