Mine Jokes

you say this to your friend damn your nuts are bigger then mine* thinks the wrong way* friend: i must order more nuts

A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road."

Do u know what's lonely? Your lips, wanna meet mine?

A man said his bars are lit I said No because mine are fire

What's your favourite type of flour Don't know Mines self raising

Jack quietly crawled through Jill’s bedroom window, trying not to make a single noise. She sat on her bed, her back facing him. Jack tiptoed up behind her, laid his hands on her shoulders and said, in a rather sensual tone,

“Boo.”

“Jack!” She yelled, “what are you doing here?”

Jack sat down next to her and smiled.

“I figured today was a good day to maybe go up to the hill?” He said.

“That sounds fun,” said Jill.

“C’mon, let’s go!”

The kids climbed down from Jill’s second story window. The frolicked around in the fields, hair swaying in the wind, as they neared the nearby hill. Jack took Jill’s hand, and they skipped up to the very top of the hill. They sat down on the bright green grass and giggled.

“You ready?” Asked Jack

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jill replied with a wink.

Jack laid his hand on Jill’s chest, softly pushing her onto her back. He got down on his knees, and bent down to the bottom of her dress.

“I’ve waited a long time for this...” he whispered.

Jack slowly pulled up Jill’s dress with one hand, running the other up her thigh. His anticipation was building faster and faster. He looked her in the eyes as he slowly pulled down her panties. Once they were all the way off, he turned his head downward. His mouth opened, his eyes went wide. Jack was speechless. Before he could say anything, Jill slammed his head down, gagging him with her giant cock. She sat up as she slammed his head up and down. Jack began to feel dizzy as he gagged and coughed.

“Silly Jack, didn’t you know? I’m not Jill. I never was. My name’s Randy. You’re mine now, Jack. So sit back, enjoy the ride.” Said Randy.

Randy moved Jack’s head faster and faster as he threw his head back. It was coming, fast. All of a sudden, he stopped. Jack’s head stood still as his mouth became a fountain of white, drizzling all over Randy’s legs and onto the grass. Randy let go and Jack jumped back, spitting and trying to get it all out of his mouth. Just as the dizziness began to fade, Randy walked over. The last thing Jack saw was Randy’s fist hurtling towards him...

whats ur favorite footnite location? mine is tilted toers 😂

Orphan:I fucked your mom

Kid:atleast mine survived from it

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today. And treat others how you want to be treated! Rate your day scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said "Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight! She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts"

If I adopt a child is it mine ?? 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😳

If you thought other people’s puns are bad well you should sea mine. https://d2v9y0dukr6mq2.cloudfront.net/video/thumbnail/Vfv9BDZagiltwcyiq/underwater-sea-mine-danger-weapon-deadly-naval-ocean-sea_hvqhxuzi__F0000.png

heres a list of puns not all of them are mine

1.Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

2.Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5.Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6.Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7.Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8.How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9.That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10.My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.

Doctor: Oh don't worry, mine too!!

Girl come hear my parents aren't home orphan mine are never

Whats big and round? Mine and not yours

a friend of mine chews gum lays back to yawn then chokes on the gom then i said god what u choking on dick?

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget and I am now traumatized to hell, the next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend. :)

-Dark_Humor