Mine Jokes

(this is not mine credit goes to the grim joker)

What does a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make noise after you throw them

"Jesus can turn water into wine,but I can turn your mother into mine " -Sun Tzu the art of creating war

MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE

what is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?A home button.

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?

Mine would be Alien Vs. Predator

What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a MINED food

dont tell me i haven't got balls i just happen to wear mine mine on my chest and i can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good. Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

if u text ur crush and they leave u on read, just know that read has four letters. yk what also has four letters? mine. so that basically means that you are theirs. :)

Roses are red Violets are fine Why is your life So much better then mine

i was riding my bike when i saw a mans head in the wheel. it was mine.

people say your body is 75% is water while mine 100% full of coffee

I can’t take credit for this joke it’s not mine. Remember that time joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault he blamed the tires for being too inflated

So a husband and a wife have three kids. the husband is on his death bed and he looks up at his wife and says. "Honey, is our youngest song truly and honestly mine?" She says in response. "I sware on everything that is good and holy our youngest son is your" He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breathe, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade. John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.

"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."

After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.

"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

There was once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off while the other one was always happy. This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine and you left me in here all night so I'm angry!" His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was litterally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap their has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing. Hi we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun? So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with I have two parrots as well, they are always praying and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours. They proceed to do so and the lady's parrots say hi we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun? and the pastors parrots reply with Johnny drop your beads and lift your heads our prayers have been answered.