Mine jokes

I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.

When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.

"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then."

Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"

Hitler looks over: "Yes?"

People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Everybody loves guns!

Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.

Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.

Are you mixed? Cuz you're half fine, half mine 😏

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make noise after you throw them.

Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.