Mental Health jokes
How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Hi, I'm Depraashin.
Hi, I'm rope. May I hang with you guys?
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
Emo girls are bad, but what's worse? Cutting yourself.
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
This isn't really a joke, but I HAVE PTSD, YAY! :)
I made a video game about a depressed, self-harming goth.
It's mostly unskippable cutscenes though... :/
Depression sucks, and so do you.
Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.