Mental Health jokes

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?

You tell them it's a leap of faith.

What did the orphan say to the crippled man?

I suffer from crippling depression.

To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.

What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?

The suicide squad.

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Depression medicine and therapy.

GO AWAY!

I searched up self harm jokes, clean, but I couldn't find any :[

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!

How to complement a depressed person: "I like your cuts, g."

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.

(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.