Medicine jokes
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
What is mad cow disease?
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Good news! There's a new program to help autistic people. It's called Action T-4.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.