Meal jokes
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
What's a skeleton's favorite food?
Spare ribs.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
When do astronauts eat lunch?
At launch time.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
Q: What do women and KFC have in common?
A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.
What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.