ME jokes

I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.

"Twins sitting in class."

Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.

Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?

A: An egg gets laid.

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

A starving homeless kid asks me for food.

I said, "sorry, my plate is full."

Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."

School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

Do trees pee?

How else do we have No. 1 pencils?

My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"

Me "OH NO" 💀

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.