ME jokes
I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.
Me and my cancer
Are like a game of Fortnite.
I’ll never win.
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
Me: Hey, I have candy.
Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?
Me: Some of deez nuts.
Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.
Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).
"1v1 me bitch!"
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P
Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."
He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
What did the rapper say to the ATM?
"Show me the money, or I'll drop a BEAT!"
Wait, that's me.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What's the funniest thing you ever read? For me it was when Rapboat told me he was a legit rapper.
What did the booty say to the chair?
"You complete me!"
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Me so horny! Me so horny!
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.