ME jokes

Insult

    • Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

  • 5

    • Roblox

    • One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

    Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

    Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

  • 2

    • Man

    • Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

  • 0

    • Pope

    • One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"

    The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."

    The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"

    The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."

    They ask who, "The President?"

    "No, more important."

    "The president of another country?"

    "No, more important."

    "An ambassador?"

    "No, even more important."

    "Well, who is it?"

    "I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."

  • 1
    • ME memes

    Friend

    • I am looking for a Robert "Jamie" Weber. He is a friend of mine from 3rd grade that welcomed me as the new kid. I am currently in 6th grade going into 7th grade (summer brake).

  • 0

    • Dad

    • Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!

    Dad: Uh, okay?

    Child: My wife cheated on me.

    Dad: I'm a man.

    Child: So I went to the bar.

    Dad: I'm a man.

    Child: I met a hot girl.

    Dad: I'm a man.

    Child: So I brought her home.

    Dad: I'm a man.

    Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...

    Dad: I'm a man.

  • 5

    • Mailman

    • One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

    Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

  • 1

    • Dwarf

    • This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

  • 1