ME jokes
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
Why are you mad because no one wants to adopt me?
I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!
Hi, I'm Depraashin.
Hi, I'm rope. May I hang with you guys?
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Give me followers instantly!
Okay class, who can tell me who the fastest readers are?
The pilots of 9/11 went through the Twin Towers, 6 in 3 seconds.
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.
Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"
Just a pickup line.
"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."
Best friend makes joke about 9/11.
Me: My pop was a part of that!
Best friend: So sorry!
Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.
Hi guys, jokes for sister.
So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
I'm an orphan, so kidnap me.
Prince, do you love that girl Gwen more than me? Remember when you were at my house?
I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
W2S, you stinky, stanky fad. Seeing your disstracks really makes me wanna fap.