ME jokes

What is you main food?

Me: Pizza cause I'm cheesy.

Friend: Chocolate chips cause I have a lot of friends.

Girlfriend: Donut cause I have a lot of cream.

Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!

Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.

I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?

I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The guard charged me with... mer-der.

I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!

After all these walkers, you still walk over me.

Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”

Let me Lickitung until you Squirtle.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger before my eyes.

Then it hit me.

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

People: Stop joking about such serious issues!

Me: Kill yourself.

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

"Send me back, I never liked you."

(This isn't really a joke btw anyway.) SpongeBob, me boy, ye ruptured me intestines with that massive c*ck of yours, agahgahagahagahagah!

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

My dad left me.