ME jokes

People: Stop joking about such serious issues!

Me: Kill yourself.

"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The guard charged me with... mer-der.

Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”

Let me Lickitung until you Squirtle.

I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!

I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?

After all these walkers, you still walk over me.

What is you main food?

Me: Pizza cause I'm cheesy.

Friend: Chocolate chips cause I have a lot of friends.

Girlfriend: Donut cause I have a lot of cream.

I love you, you love me.

Me: Knock, knock.

Teacher: Who is there?

Me: Boo.

Teacher: Boo who?

Me: Stop being a crybaby and open the door!

Teacher: ......

Me: Aw man, detention again.

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

(This isn't really a joke btw anyway.) SpongeBob, me boy, ye ruptured me intestines with that massive c*ck of yours, agahgahagahagahagah!

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."

What's the funniest thing you ever read? For me it was when Rapboat told me he was a legit rapper.