ME jokes

What's the difference between me and you?

I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!

Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?

A: Eat my dust.

What did the rapper say to the ATM?

"Show me the money, or I'll drop a BEAT!"

What did the booty say to the chair?

"You complete me!"

My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.

What's the funniest thing you ever read? For me it was when Rapboat told me he was a legit rapper.

Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

Wait, that's me.

The Flanders Song

God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."

Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.

Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."

"Leave me alone!"

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.

What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger before my eyes.

Then it hit me.

"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."