ME jokes

Pregnancy

    • My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.

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    • Bill

    • Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

    Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.

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    • Masturbation

    • My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

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    • ME memes

    Phone Number

    • So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

    Baby

    • What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?

    The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.

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    • Sex

    • My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

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    • Phone

    • Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

    Bruise

    • One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

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