ME jokes
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Orange you glad to see me?
I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!
Me be like: ;-;
Yo mama so fat, a bus ran into her and she said, "WHO THREW THAT TWINKIE AT ME?!"
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Bully: You are ugly.
Me: You are so fat, you are the Call of Duty map.
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
If I die, does my depression die with me?
So, y'all remember Hitler, right?
Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"
Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.
Friend: Touch.
Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)
Friend: Grass.
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass.
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?
"Me time."
Why did Karen leave me?
Because I was a mushroom.
Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)
That's it, it wasn't a joke.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.