ME jokes

Follow me on Instagram @v2good.at.fortnite and @v2good.at.edits for a surprise.

Btw, you have to like all my posts :)

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???

Damn, DIN just went over me and I'm trying to figure out what it is. A camel's dick.

What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"

What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."

Get it? I read? No... ok.

Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.

Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?

A: An egg gets laid.

Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."

Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"