Many jokes

How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, cause they'll screw anything.

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?

Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.

Many years of sex in the dark.

The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"

The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"

How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because it's a battlefield.

When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.