Many jokes
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson