Many jokes
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.