Many

Many Jokes

Hitler

"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then."

Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"

Hitler looks over: "Yes?"

Baby

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

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  • Kid

    Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: Wanna go ride a bike?

    Emo kid

    How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

    To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

    You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

    Blonde

    How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    5

    4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

    Yo mama

    Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.

    Marriage

    Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

    Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

    Loneliness

    It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

    Lightbulb

    How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

    None. They hire me to do it.

    Woman

    How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

    Woman

    How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

    Inbreeding

    Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

    Child

    How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

    More than ten, apparently.

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  • Feminist

    How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?

    One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

    ...just kidding-

    - none. They can't change anything.

    Lightbulb

    How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

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  • Children

    How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.

    Feminist

    How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

    9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

    Yo mama

    Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

    Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

    Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

    Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

    Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.