"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?
Because it’s a fungi.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
