Many jokes
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.
That’s why no one will be hurt.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.
I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?
50.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.