Man jokes

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

A gay guy asked me for directions, so I told him to go straight.

Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.

Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"

What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"

Why do men have penises?

They gotta shut women up somehow.

John saw a Gay in a wheelchair.

"I didn't know a man could be a fruit and a Vegetable!"

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

Like if you think oily men are hot.

I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.

I gave a blind man a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?

Because he always makes spider-sense.

A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.

Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*

Friend: Are you okay?

Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!

There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.

First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"

Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"

And throws the White man off of the building.