Man jokes

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

A fish is dead, who do you call? Aquaman!

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

Why are gay men better than straight women?

Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.

What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?

"That is very Wong."

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

What did God say when he made the first black man?

"Crap, I burnt one!"

What is the difference between a black man and Jew?

One was born burnt.