Man jokes
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
What's the difference between a dwarf and a Japanese man?
I don't know, you tell me.
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
Eibar-Man! Eibar-Man! Does whatever a ghost can.
Scores a tapin With Xaviesta’s assistance. Misses a pen From close distance.
Lookout! Here comes the Eibar-man!
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
Your hairline is so bad that it turned Wonder Woman into Failure Man.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
What do you call a movie about an orphan?
The Bat Man.
How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?
Take a dump on her vagina!
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
There are 3 men: an American, a French, and an Italian who have to take a trip and take the plane.
The American puts his hand out the window and says: "We are in America, I touched the Statue of Liberty." The French says: "We are in France, I touched the Eiffel Tower." The Italian says: "We are in Italy, I touched the garbage!"
No, Stephen Hawking wasn't the first man to walk on the moon.