The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio? He became a shell of who he once was.
A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, "What's wrong sir?" The man reply's, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me." The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?" The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash." The wife pull out the money. "There is 40$-", says the wife. "Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to." The man walks away in belif he didn't get caught by his wife.
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
I went into the supermarket everything was half off. of course I took the bottom half of spider man
Yo mama so fat she called dr suse and he couldn’t even rhyme back
What’s an orphans favourite marvel film?
Spider man Far from home
Whats in a mans mouth when he realizes he's gay
A dick
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
3 friends go to a water park and meet a genie. “You each get one wish.” “When you get to the top of the slide you shall scream your wish as you go down.” The first man went down the slide and screamed “COCA COLA” and the pool was fuelled with CocaCola. The next ugly ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams “C-M&MS” as if he wasn’t just about to say cum-then the pool was full of cu-⟟ mean M&Ms. The last horny ass bitch is so excited he says “WEEE!” Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pull wasn’t full of Dildos./j
a man died and went to heaven. here he met jesus. there were two clocks, the man asked whats with the clocks?. jesus answered this is mother theresa's clock she has not lied so the clock hasnt moved, this is abraham lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice so its moved twice. where's donald trumps the man asked. jesus replied: its in my office im using it as a ceiling fan.
Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence it didn't work and he said man I quit.
so a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said hi i'm your new dad the kid did not think about it and then he did and said but i already have a dad the mom said that was not your real dad
Girl: what is abortion? Man: Ask your brother Girl: But I don't have a brother! Man: Exactly!!
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, “for the France!” And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “long live the queen!” And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS”
why did the old man win in a fight becaues he was stresed
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
What does a man with 20 children do now?
Now he eats sausages even with cellophane
