I farted in my grandma ́s breathing machine
I know them all, just like you keep busting onto your computer keyboard, that's why it's always got sticky keys
When you turn 400 those nasty thoughts sometimes peer in, but if you're lucky, you can be cleansed by the machine spirit by simply visiting your local tech priest.
So there’s this air purifier in my room right, and it’s really noisy so I unplugged it to sleep better and sure enough I fell asleep faster, so I came to the conclusion if I unplug noisy machines people will sleep better. It worked really well in my local hospital
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals. I hacker, a rapist, a serial killer and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial decides that she want’s to change, but when she see a knife she just can’t help it. He bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist get teleported back to prison
WALUIGI GETS HIS WALU-WEENIE STUCK IN A VENDING MACHINE!
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
X【╦̵̵͇̿̿̿̿══╤─ I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22.caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
What do you call a fat indian that is actually a machine? The curry muncher 2000
Ive been sad recently the twin towers arnt round so i made the conclusion of a time machine to watch it again
I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van if you touch my van I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan if you steal ice cream I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine
A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall. The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty. After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks. Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!".
Men built civilisations Men went to the moon Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society
Women did none of those They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
during the great war:
*a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.* He says:"You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *he didn't stop firing*
have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?
