Love jokes
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
Why are orphans very abusive to their kids?
Because they never had loving parents of their own.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
Why do orphans love blowjobs?
Because they actually get kissed!
You should always be happy about family and love.
I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
I love my mom.
Orphan: Have you seen my mommy?
Person: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes?
Person: SON SON??? IS THAT YOU MY LOVE?
Orphan: MOTHER!
Person: Let's go home!
Orphan: Uhhhh
*She was never to be seen again*
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
I love to decorate my room because it's a great way to express your heart, though I just remembered, my room is pretty black and empty...
Why do orphans love to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
What did Shrek say to the princess? “I love walls!”
People, please check out Tenya's jokes. Girl, love, cheetah, blue jokes!
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
Why do orphans want to get married so bad?
To have someone to call "daddy."
I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.
The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"
My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."
I love you papi's! No homo.