what happens when you eat a cat I love to eat cats for dinner
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library, when we returned them he said “your sister works the returns right” I told him “yes she does and she will be here in about five minutes”. He said “ why don’t we put a cook book in the women’s sports section” I told him “I love it” so I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because they loved dropping BASS
What do you call a rapper who LOVES space?
Snoop Star
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS
What do you call a rapper who loves to cook?
A MIXTAPE CHEF
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?
They both love to YAP and BABBLE, and they always get fondled by old people
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up? I thought what all we had was special
What do you call a rapper who LOVES math?
2Pac-square
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to garden?
Lil Plant
A guy told a beautiful girl "hey I want to make love to you if I throw 2000$ when you go to pick it up that's when I'll go is that okay?" She called her husband and he said "okay but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down" Four hours later she shows up to her house and tell her husband "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS"
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to fish?
MC Reel
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to read?
50 Cents of Gray
What do you call a rapper who LOVES desserts?
Ice Cream-E
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he loved to drop HOT DISHES
Emos love jumping for joy
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself? A hypoteNUSE!
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
