Lot jokes
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.
I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.
What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?
You've got a lot of problems!
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Roses are red, I hate snitches, You talk a lot of game for a guy with 3 inches.
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
Yo momma so fat, she made up of a lot of atoms.