Lot jokes
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.
I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?
You've got a lot of problems!
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
Roses are red, I hate snitches, You talk a lot of game for a guy with 3 inches.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Yo momma so fat, she made up of a lot of atoms.