Lot jokes
Uranus has a lot of poop. Yeah. That is my joke.
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
I don't understand why the Twin Towers were super upset.
Their pizza just got there a lot faster by plane.
How do you scare a lot of people in New York?
Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."
Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.
You know, it takes a lot of balls to successfully compete in women’s sports as a man.
Yesterday I had a party in my basement.
I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.
School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Chapter 1. "Kid teacher"
Mrs. Lewis: Class, I want everyone to look at their textbooks and find a reasonable essay topic. My suggestion is page 232 or 678. Now, this essay counts as the final grade for the semester. Now do it, or you will repeat 5th grade again! Now turn to page 100, and we'll start reading from there. Do you all understand?
Neilela: Yes ma'am, quick question, we don't have to do it today... do we?
Mrs. Lewis: Yes! It is today!
Andrua: It sounds boring, and all I have to do today is be a big jerk who gives way too much instruction.
Mrs. Lewis: Anyway, let's get to work.
56 hours later.
Mrs. Lewis: Kids, when I call you, please tell me what you liked about your essay. When I call your name, Carl.
Carl: Why me? Yes?
Mrs. Lewis: What did you like about the story, Carl?
Carl: Um... I liked it when... um... um... um... um...
Jeklen: He didn't even read the story because he's too busy trying to look up the letter "J" and its meaning!
Carl: Jeklen, shut up and stop biting your hair.
Jeklen: At least I know what the letter "J" is.
Mrs. Lewis: Class, please listen. Carl, did you read the story that I asked you?
Carl: Well, not really because you were the one reading it in class, so...
Vronica: For real!
Carl: Mhmmm
Mrs. Lewis: Listen class, this homework needs to be done today! DO IT!
Kimbriel: Ms. Lewis, I have a lot of questions about tonight's homework.
Mrs. Lewis: Yes?
Kimbriel: You assigned so many things just for a little test! What?
Mrs. Lewis: I need a break! Peyton, you're in charge!
All students: NO, NOT PEYTON !!!!!!
Peyton: Me? In charge? Of the class?
Jessica: Wow, but you're all about the boredom!
Peyton: Shut up! yeeeeeeee
Peyton: Ms. Lewis, there must be a mistake, how can I be in charge? I'm 11... I think...
Ari: To think that yesterday she thought she was 8 years old.
Oh sorry... I think.
Mrs. Lewis: Have you ever heard of a teacher's vacation?
All students: That's not a thing!
I never heard of it...
Mrs. Lewis: Well, me and Ms. Sumrall, we are going on a "teacher vacation", we can do it because we become calmer, or we don't get angry at the students. AND WE CAN DO IT!
Khloe: Why?
Mrs. Lewis: Because I am an adult.
Ms. Sumrall: Is Petrina ready?
Ms. Lewis: Yes, thank goodness for this!
Kenya: Bye? "Chapter 2" To be continued...
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."