Lot jokes

Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."

Me: "Why did you?"

Mom: "I was very drunk..."

Explains a lot...

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.

It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.

There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

What would you find on a haunted beach?

A sand-witch!

"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"

Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.

My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"

Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!