You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice
When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:
"Looks like I am going back to the future!"
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
Why does the sky think it's so powerful?
Because it's always looking down on us.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
