Look Jokes

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?

Oppenheimer

A screenshot of a text message conversation. The first message says: "Just take a minute and think about Riley's retarded hair cut. Shut up look at your greasy ass hair." The next message says: "Have you not released I don't give a small singular shit about my hair." The following message says: "There's probably shit in your hair." Finally, the last messages read: "It looks better than whatever dead raccoon has been super glued onto your forehead. But Yeah probably."

What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?

TripAdvisor.com

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.

He said the ATM outside.

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.

When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:

"Looks like I am going back to the future!"

I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.

Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".

I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.

You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.

Why did the orphan become a killer?

Because he knew they would not look for him.

One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?

"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."