Look jokes

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!

Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

The lines on the pride flag look pretty straight to me!

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.

Yo mama so ugly, Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjutsu.

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)

Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.

A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.