I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. Iβm just trying to look at/make jokes, and Iβm getting shit from people saying, "Itβs too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.
Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
The lines on the pride flag look pretty straight to me!
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
