A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’
Now, my wrists look like a tiger
Things to kids: Dragapult:Ooh, look! Some ammo A Good Parent: My baby Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an austistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss Cheese?"
Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he’s looking for two child molesters.
Catholic priests looking at each other: We’ll do it!
Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, and you thought you were looking at the grand canyon.
yo mama so ugly Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjustu
Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it
It’s Christmas morning and all the decorations are done but the tree looks like it’s missing something * grabs the noose *
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing but when i the it people just looked horrified.
I tour up my homework, but I then replaced it with this copy it may look like it but trust me its diffrenet! The answers ARE RIGHT better than left!
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
I was studying in Turin and my professor told me I had to use PENS only. I looked in my bag for pens and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you Penaldo!
People told Kobe to fly high look what happend
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," say Satan. "What is it?" The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl." Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?" The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
In kindergarten we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words. Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit"
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself" He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says “what’s the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks? “ The man says “it’s not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place.”
