This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
Answer: they both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!
My wife is like a mirror
I can never look at it
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's dad said "that's Mr.wiggles". Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's mom said "that's my garden". Timmy's mom said don't look up. Timmy looked up. Timmy said "What are those?". Timmy's mom said those are her headlights. Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said don't look under the covers. Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR.WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using microsoft paint
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up
If you get you get it
If I’m ugly why u always look at me when I come in the door?
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
What did the green light say to the red light - don't look I'm changing
Look I didn't hit rock bottom I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
public speaking is a more popular fear then snakes and you don't see anyone walking in australia and shout look out a podium
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’
Now, my wrists look like a tiger
You look good with anything, but nothing works too
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods
voice in back: Well it looks like we're going huntin'
