Lock Jokes

Where do pedofiles do when they wake up

Turn on the child safety lock on the car

You walk in to a old ran down house and you see that a light is on you walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room and you run to the exit to leave but when you get to the door somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go in to the house more and you see another room with a light on so you go in when you go In “flip” all the light go off then yo7 see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says “let the game show begin” yiu see other people next to you and they seem scared then a wall comes down yiu see a optical cores and yi7 go on and then a chainsaw comes at yiu and it misses you but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies

Part two comeing soon this is inspired by the scp foundation have a nice summer

👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖👖 👖 👖👖 👖 👖 🔑 🏠 🤔 🙄why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest 👖 👖👖 👖👖👖 👖 removed zippers from the pants of 👬 gay men in the LGBT community? because he lost his key 🔑 to his house and he was desperate to get back 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🏠 inside of his house and he thought that one of keys 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 to their zippers would be able to unlock the door 🚪 of his house 🏠 🙌 🙌 ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ 👍 👍 😁 😁 😁 😁 😊 😊 😊 😊 😃 😃 😆 😆 😄 😆 😄 😆 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴

i thought i told u the lock up when i left this morning this is why our shit gets stolen all the time

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog? Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says “Go and lock the door first...”

Yesterday I had a party. I got questioned about 5 dead kids died up locked in a box. I did that when I was 13 damn I forgot about them

what did the substrate say to the active site? cmon baby we fit together open my door lock to fkn key

When you lock the door, but you realize its a pull open door:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Theodore.

Theodore who?

Theodore is locked, that is why I knocked.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl Beyond belief her name was Rayne but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him but one day she did and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no that’s not right Sammy actually snuck in Raynes house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End .

Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends the holder of the nations purse, Fishi Rucksack will launch a new initiative. This will be to help the struggling 'personal services' industry, and will be labelled, 'Sleep out to Help out.'

y do people name a kid rob because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in there basement for a late night toy

During Covid, Lock down went for so long that even the agoraphobics got cabin fever.

Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the care outside a pregnancy care center? A. Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger.

this ole boy thats locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her and she said well fuck you i dont need you no more anyway I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me and he said well honey thats the least of my worries I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin to fuck me

A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.

The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water and beat the shit out of him every single day.

When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.

The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything, I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."

The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get and yet he won't speak!".

The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"

The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!".