Lock Jokes

Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.

She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."

The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.

Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)

What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.

Knock knock, who's there? God.

God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!

Day 18

Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?

The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.

If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.

Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

-->[] go through the door if you can.

I found a key that works for every door at my school.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.