Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."
Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Where did Amy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because then they would be called bagels! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic? Where do you keep the cans of paint?
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
