Do [or “Oh, do”] you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes [or “Oh, yes”], I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree and so she could live forever.

But it I’m not gonna lie it was a nice toasty fire…

What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜? Where do you live

A orphan went up to nicolas tesla and asked to travel in time he then saw his parents put him in a building saying you now live here!!

Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I’m sayin??? -Filthy Frank

My Cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my Cat is a Democrat!

What’s the worst living thing on planet earth? Humans

Why are Mexicans so bad in the olympics? Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.

A man found out that he was going to die. A German doctor comes in and says “you have 10 more”. The man yells out “10 WHAT!! DAYS!!! WEEKS!!!”. And the doctor says ”No seconds” and the man says “9 SECONDS!!!” And the doctor says “Nine Ten Seconds” He asked “How many seconds do i have to live 10,9 , or…” Then he died and learned how to say no in German…

There’s a sexy milf that lives next door the only thing better is her 8 Y/O

YOUR so fat that you have to live on pluto so you don’t destroy none of the planets

A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, “mummy what`s that building over there”? The mother looked at the prison, smiled and said "that’s where the cotton pickers live.

Let girls live is 9 years old omg right??😔😊😊😊

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed. “Cheese-its Christ!”

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

fuvk you geman kids especialy live

Me:Why did the bus drop his ice cream? Sanity to live: I don’t know? Me:He was run over by Timmy!!! Sanity to live?dies Me:At edge of bridge wow sweat view Sanity to live:resurrected Narrator: sometimes a bridge is all you need… (sponsored by jumping bridges)

Why did the pillow cross the road

Because his cousins name was Koshin and he didnt want to live anymore

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says “Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die.” The man from France said, “bring me the poison.” The man from Britain said, “bring me the gun” And the man from New York said, “bring me a gun as well!” The guy was confused but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, “for the France!” And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “long live the queen!” And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shotting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, “Well…sh!# that didn’t go as planned.”