There is thin line between death and life !! You won't live to see it .....
The Cardiogram will !!
Doctor: you don't have long to live. 10... Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Me and my brother where called the twin towers, my brother lived up to his title after the plane crash
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. -- That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
A teaher gives her kindergarden students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors the students guess cherry lime and orange. They dont know th last flavor. So the teacher gives them and hint and say its what your parents call each other. [honey] But a little girl shouts and says “ OMG there assholes.
Who is the man behind all lives matter?
Michael jackson
My doctor said "you have 1year to live"
I said " you wanna bet"
Bam a gun shot
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
if I were a cat I'd spend all nine of my lives with you
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
What’s grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies. What’s grosser than that? A live one at the bottom. What’s grosser than that? When he eats his way out. Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
Why are cats 🐈 good at video games!
Because they have nine lives!
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I cant help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
When Covid spreads through food but you realized you live in Africa.
what is the only place fat people live? obi-city
You momma's so fat she started fat lives matter .. meetings are everyday 11 o clock mcdonalds 12 o clock kfc 1 o'clock pizza Hut
when you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live: "looks like I am going back to the future!"
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, "for the France!" And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, "long live the queen!" And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said "MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS"
I talked to a future suicide bomber, I told him, "ISIS ain't got Sh** on me because I Planted a bomb and lived."
